Carpe Noctum

yep. you guessed it. insomnia again....but hey, it allows me to catch up on my blogging...aka....big boy diary.

You know people talk all the time about, "if today was your last day".... scenarios. They talk about how they would be doing this, or doing that... traveling.... making amends with people, etc etc, then they go back to checking their work email and being stressed out over what they need to do tomorrow or what bill they need to pay, and just go back to doing whatever they were, because they chalk it up to no one ever actually living as if it were their last day on earth. We live in a real world, where we have jobs, bills, problems, a-hole people around us, health problems, traffic, taxes, stress, school, debt, credit reports, black mold, pollution, ozone issues....... ehhhh. You get the point.

The fact of the matter is, when the angel of death has pulled our number, and our time is up, I highly doubt we are going to be concerned with our facebook status, or wether or not we turned in our TPS report at work. So why do we keep our nose buried in this rat race until the day we day, and never look around making the most of every second? I have no idea. I am just like you. I understand that I should live that way, but alas i find myself buried in the things i "need" to get done.

Perhaps this is the moment though, that it could all change. Every single moment that passes, is an opportunity to change it all. The rise like a phoenix from the ashes and say enough is enough. yeah...yeah...we all got bills and problems. But i think that i am going to adopt a new theory. Work Hard...Play Harder.

So, tomorrow...when I get up. I am going to do my best to keep this in mind. I am going to smile more...i am going to push back the darkness...am i am going to have a GREAT day....

Who's IN?

Insomnia -1 Josh- 0

yep, been up for hours now. doing some writing (lyrics) narrowing down the last of the songs for the official selection of the first Josh Dougan solo record. Gone are the days of being in bands. Gone are the days of having my own band. This time around, its just me making a record that i want to make. Oh, i am sure at some point i will have a couple friends lend a hand on it. New ideas. New energy.

Having made my living, as a musician/producer for the past 7 years, it would be easy for me to try and make this record something "radio-friendly"..."marketable" ...yadda yadda. But anymore, i am becoming very aware that for so long i have wrapped my musical identity around monetary success. In that, if it wasnt going to sell, it was worth making.

What a bastardized view of art we alot of musicians have come to. Imagine if C.S. Lewis, Da Vinci, or Bob Dylan had lived by this creed. Yikes. Unfortunately we do live in world that thinks this way now.

I was talking to a friend the other day about honesty with yourself. And here I am at 30 years old, having surpassed my child hood pipe dreams about music long ago, am finally getting to the point that i dont have to sell a million records to be happy making music. I dont have to be the #1 seller on itunes, i dont have to be on Paste magazine of headline at the Austin City Limits festival. I dont have to tour full time. I dont have to have a bus. I dont have to sell 30k in merch a night, i dont have to be in the "coolest" band, i dont have to be in the "scene".....

....i am done with it. I am what i am. I create for creation itself. And because at the end of the day, sitting alone in a room, playing my guitar, singing my songs, listening to the sounds reverberate back to me and bounce into my ear drums........................is enough. and i am happy.

Then why make a record at all?

Because me creating it is only half of its completion. Its up to you the listen to give yourself to these songs and create your own emotions and thoughts and ideas to it.

This is me, writing you off

....listening to David Bazan. Gorgeous wife is asleep.Our house is quiet. This time of night, if i am not asleep, my brain can really get to turning. Lately i have been thinking about friends. specifically a particular group of friends. 

We all know them. The people who really only call you if they need something. The people who complain that you never hang out, but then when you try to plan something with them, they flake out. The people who dont really care enough to shoot a text or email back, let alone pick up the phone and call you......Yet they would be so offended, and appalled if you called them out on it.

In todays society people are so fascinated with gaining "friends" on facebook, it cracks me up. Rather pathetic. Is there some sort of common that fbook is kicking back to these people i am not aware of? Its funny. but its also really sad and alarming. this is what these people are learning to be friends?

I have been really blessed in my 29 years with hands done the best family a guy could have. Even my newly extended family of my wife's, would without hesitation follow me to hell and back. But i have also had my fair share of "one way" friends. Honestly....i say we light the fires and call things what they are and burn some of these bridges to the ground. Some of these people are like leeches. take.....take ....take. without ever giving back or even really giving a crap.

I learned a while back that its just really healthy to take inventory on whats going on with my friendships. Bad company does indeed corrupt. I just dont think that any of us should have to put up with these fruitless charades anymore. 

Its liberating. and yes, your circle will shrink.....but it will be one of the most rewarding things that you can do. 

ask me how i know.

everyone wants me to start blogging .......so.........