Insomnia -1 Josh- 0

yep, been up for hours now. doing some writing (lyrics) narrowing down the last of the songs for the official selection of the first Josh Dougan solo record. Gone are the days of being in bands. Gone are the days of having my own band. This time around, its just me making a record that i want to make. Oh, i am sure at some point i will have a couple friends lend a hand on it. New ideas. New energy.

Having made my living, as a musician/producer for the past 7 years, it would be easy for me to try and make this record something "radio-friendly"..."marketable" ...yadda yadda. But anymore, i am becoming very aware that for so long i have wrapped my musical identity around monetary success. In that, if it wasnt going to sell, it was worth making.

What a bastardized view of art we alot of musicians have come to. Imagine if C.S. Lewis, Da Vinci, or Bob Dylan had lived by this creed. Yikes. Unfortunately we do live in world that thinks this way now.

I was talking to a friend the other day about honesty with yourself. And here I am at 30 years old, having surpassed my child hood pipe dreams about music long ago, am finally getting to the point that i dont have to sell a million records to be happy making music. I dont have to be the #1 seller on itunes, i dont have to be on Paste magazine of headline at the Austin City Limits festival. I dont have to tour full time. I dont have to have a bus. I dont have to sell 30k in merch a night, i dont have to be in the "coolest" band, i dont have to be in the "scene".....

....i am done with it. I am what i am. I create for creation itself. And because at the end of the day, sitting alone in a room, playing my guitar, singing my songs, listening to the sounds reverberate back to me and bounce into my ear drums........................is enough. and i am happy.

Then why make a record at all?

Because me creating it is only half of its completion. Its up to you the listen to give yourself to these songs and create your own emotions and thoughts and ideas to it.